School has been pretty damn hectic these past few weeks, and its not over for until six more weeks. Groezrock was epic (will write an update soon), and it was exactly what I needed to let go of some of the stress and pressure that has been building up inside of me lately. I have an exam on Tuesday, and have a 20 page essay to finish til the 5th of June, and a lot of other stuff is happening in the upcoming weeks as well (Spring Edge Tour, Title Fight and Drug Church in Gothenburg), so needless to say I’m pretty swamped.
It’s going to be weird to not go back to school after the summer. I’ve been in school all my life so far, and now I’m not going to have that to fall back on anymore. Weird yet exciting. I haven’t revealed my summer plans for my parents yet. I think they will get upset, but I feel that if I don’t take this opportunity now I will never have it again. I need a little more crazy in my life.
I’m the next act
Waiting in the wings
I’m an animal
Trapped in your hot car
I am all the days
That you choose to ignore
Going through old blog entries is depressing as fuck to be honest. Almost a year ago exactly I was dreaming about finishing my thesis and had plans on being moved out by the fall. Well that turned out as planned lol.
Currently at home, trying to recover after chicken poxes and I cant really think further than three days ahead. Today its Tuesday, and on Friday me and Cecilia are supposed to travel to the great north, home of kings and legends. I’m talking about Umeå of course. This trip has been planned for over a month, and of course I was lucky enough to catch chicken poxes, dangering my whole chance to visit. Www.godhateswilhelmina.com. We’ll see what happens. I will be super bummed if I cant go, but at the same time I realise that things could be worse. Putting things into perspective is helping me cope with my luxury problems, and I’m thankful for having all the things I do have – family, friends and a relatively stable life/psyche.
Haha who am I kidding, I’m still an emotional trainwreck.
I’m done with my thesis though, and the first course of this semester went great. This fall I will definitely be somewhere else than here. 2015 is going to be the year I actually do something with my life.
Today I spent 4 hours out in the woods with these freaks. Mushroom picking was on the schedule, and I realised I had forgotten about how much fun it is to be outside doing stuff like this. I now promise myself to get better at being in the outdoors, I kind of have to practice in case we go up to Abisko, right?
Ok I know I haven’t been very active on here lately, but I was thinking I would get back on track with this whole blog thing once and for all now. Here is a little update on whats to come in the life of the Willy
– currently trying to work on my bachelor thesis so I FINALLY will be done with school in January. Pray for me that I pull through, mkay?
– I’m about to get my drivers license! Will take the actual tests and stuff in December (just a few days after my essay is due. Yepp its going to be a stressful autumn), so its in a while, but I’m already starting to get nervous.
– I’m going to Amsterdam for a few days in November, with Alex! We’re going to hang with some of the people we met at Groezrock and also see Joyce Manor live, I predict good times.
Hmmm I think thats about it actually, I dont really have time for anything else at the moment, school and work and lying in bed apathetically takes up most of my time these days. My anxiety levels are at an all time high, and I’m more or less paralyzed by the stress this essay is putting me through. I need a fucking slap in the face. Get a grip, woman, its only a paper! Its only school, for crying out loud!? Ugh.
So yeah, I’m not going to have much of a life these upcoming weeks, but you can count on that I will go H.A.M. on the 4th of December, when Im finally free!
So Groezrock 2014 was fucking amazing.
This was my first festival ever abroad, and it honestly could not have been better. It’s been a week since we flew down to Belgium, yet I’m still walking on clouds because of it. This year has kind of sucked so far, but I do dare to say that Groezrock was and will be the highlight of my 2014.
I will upload my own images as soon as I have developed the film, meanwhile I’m stealing these from Cecilia and Carl aka captain Faggot.
I am currently being liek super_mega_miserable @ my bachelor thesis. I just want to finish the goddamn thing so I can focus on the last courses I need to complete before I can graduate from Uni and finally escape this godforsaken place. Ok, fine, Stockholm aint bad at all. Its just that I am in desperate need of getting away from here. Ever since I graduated high school I have been dreaming about moving somewhere else, but to oblige my parents request I started studying here so I would be “done” with school before I started doing anything else. Yeah, I admitt that living at home without any expenses whatsoever besides beer have been pretty darn sweet, so I’m not complaining over the fact that I stayed in school. I now feel stronger than ever than I’m close to doing what I’ve been wanting to do since I was 17, i.e. move away from home to a new country, and I couldn’t be more stoked. Lets just pray that these last courses and exams go as planned so I can be out of here by say…. October? #AGirlCanDream
I went to Gothenburg over the Valentines Day weekend to hang out with my old high school buddy GG. We had a delicious tapas dinner, played the world’s most boring board game, went window shopping, had the year’s first semla, went to a safari themed party at her campus, were hungover, tried to cure hungoverness with brunch, drank alcohol in weird places under the university building, went to a fancy dinner party, wing woman’d her classmate into getting laid, danced on top of tables and got hungover again. All in all it was a solid weekend, 10/10 would do again.
Its mid April and I am stressed out of my mind, where the hell does all the time go? The weeks are over before I’ve even noticed that they have started, Valborg is coming up, then its practically Midsummer, Emil and Sara’s wedding and then BAM I’m going to the US. Asdfghjklöä I cant contain all the feelings I have in my body right now, this summer has potential to be the best one in my life so far. 2010 was the best of times, but 2013 better bring it.
Spring was here for a few weeks and I finally felt alive again. I’m not going to bitch and whine over stuff I can’t control, but I was really looking forward to sunshine, warmth and lazy afternoon walks. Now that the snow and cold is back again its like I just want to crawl back into my dirty sweatpants and never come out again.
I have also realised I have a real phobia I somehow need to work out and be freed from, its getting in the way of my productiveness.
I keep finding myself walking around smiling, and keep thinking that I am so grateful to be alive right now. Why? I don’t know exactly why, but I just love my life so much right now. It is far from perfect, no doubt about that, yet I keep being so fucking stoked on living, its almost silly. I can start laughing randomly, not being able to contain myself from dancing while waiting for the subway (eventhough I’m surrounded by loads of grumpy, tired strangers who most definitely think I have escaped from the nearest psych ward) or smiling uncontrollably. I have no regrets in life so far, because every choice I have made has lead me to where I am today, and I couldn’t be happier.
I’m sorry if this post made you want to poke your eyes out while vomiting on a bunch of dead kittens (thats my usual response when I read “omg-my-life-is-like-sunshine-lollipops-and-rainbows-lol” bullshit people post on their twitters and facebooks), but I can’t help myself. Eventhough I have so much school work to do, I don’t have an income for the summer yet and no idea how I’m going to finance my US trip I am so happy to be alive, I just don’t know what to do with myself.
So I finally got a tumblr the other day, and lets just say that maybe it wasn’t the best idea since I had promised myself to study extra hard this semester. So. Addictive. I feel more inspired than ever though, so on a personal level I guess it is SORT OF beneficial, although I am very aware of that it makes more harm than good. Goodbye, straight As, hello hot grunge girls and classic pop cultural .gifs!
My reaction during the break when someone mentioned school work?
Yeah, well I have had a fucking phenomenal three weeks packed with zero work and boatloads of shenanigans. It’s quite interesting how I never ever seem to learn from my previous mistakes and actually use the leave from school to get some of the work I was assigned before Christmas done. I really feel like using that old yolo-esque quote “never regret anything that once made you smile, because at one time that was exactly what you wanted” yaddayadda carpe diem, but that is a fucking retarded quote sometimes. Especially since it raises my stress levels x 7489202302301928374.
These past few nights I have been unable to sleep before 4am, and when I have woken up (after way too few hours of well needed beauty sleep) my whole face has been hurting like hell because I have been grinding my teeth while sleeping. Basically how I feel about these two upcoming weeks:
I have a feeling this semester is going to be pretty intense. I checked my schedule for my new art history course and long gone are the days when I only had 3 lectures a week; now I seem to have a lecture AND some form of group discussion thingy every. Goddamn. Day. I haven’t had that busy a schedule since high school. On the plus side we have at least 3 field trips to museums planned, so I reckon this spring will be like a form of time travel back to junior high, in other words I will be in my right element!
I have this feeling of that life is constantly slipping through my fingers. If I write down the words it gives me a feeling of actually living, that I give life to something constant, like freezing a moment. It stems from a realisation of not having a memory, or at least an uncertain, fragmental memory. Therefore I am fascinated by photography. In photography, when something happens you are able to document it. You can save it forever.
So me and Sara finally wore our brown lenses for the party last night. I thought they were going to be more of a bitch to wear, but I only had one incident with one of them when it almost fell out, right after midnight. It could have been due to the fact that I almost got a champagne cork right in the eye though, so I dont blame the quality of the lense for that.
I liked having lenses, but I guess brown maybe wasn’t my color. I think I looked kind of like a vampire with them, and some people at the party said I looked like one of those japanese girls who go through surgery to look more western. I wouldnt know about that though, but there was definitely a huge difference between my real eye color and the fake one.
There we go. Both my New Years dresses have now arrived and I can’t decide upon which one I should wear. I haven’t felt like such a girl in a longass time, but I guess it’s healthy (?) to wear something other than flannels once in a while.
I love New Years Eve. I love it more than Christmas, but maybe not more than Midsummers Eve. It’s a close tie between the two of them, the festive highlights of the year. There is this tension and feeling of excitement in the air on New Years Eve (or maybe it’s just me?), people dress in fancy clothes, have dinner together and act civilized for a while before all hell breaks loose after midnight.
My New Years resolution for this year is to “get in touch more with my emotions” (I am deeply sorry for the extremely lame wording). I feel broken. I’m afraid of feeling anything else than pure joy and excitement, and I need to work on that. It’s not healthy to walk around being afraid to open up to other people, at least it doesn’t feel too healthy. So, basically by the end of the year I hope to be less of the emotional wreck I am today, a new Willy shall emerge! That’s the plan anyway. But yeah, we all know whats usually the story with New Years resolutions.
Last night me, the gentleman above and four others spent the evening in a basement, doing a Lord Of The Rings drinking game. I won/lost by getting the most drunk, mostly because I forgot to buy orange juice for my tequila. Drinking a glass of tequila everytime Frodo makes a jizz face or when Legolas has a captain obvious moment wasnt the best of ideas, since it happened in almost every scene. This needs to happen again though, a new drinking game tradition in Lucas’ basement, raise your hand if you’re in!
For some reason its 4am and I’m up watching old Ricki Lake clips on youtube.
So Christmas is now over at my house; the food has been eaten, the presents have been opened and the alcohol has been consumed. It’s not until in most recent years that I have realised how much my mom, dad and the rest of my relatives actually drink. Today I’ve been watching my father and uncle closely to see how much they consume in one day, and with the amount of Jäger, Schnaps, beer, whiskey and whatnot they have been drinking today a lightweight like myself would be dancing without her bra around the fire place while proclaiming to be a strong, black, independent woman who dont need no man. Or just hugging the toilet wondering why no man wants my vagina.
After power shopping my Christmas gifts on Friday at the mall (together with the rest of all the Northern Hemisphere’s middle class parents) I took the bus and then train to Uppsala to get white girl wasted together with R. And white girl wasted I got. Nothing went as planned, and I ended up at a pre-party together with 11 random dudes (basically frat bros); Metallica on full volume and everyone sitting in the couch playing video games and chugging beer. Some of them tried tricking another of them into drinking someone’s pee. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party. But I had a blast. I don’t remember much, but it was fun.
Apparently I get super open about personal stuff when I’m drunk (who doesn’t, right?), but the worst part is that I’ve started to forget everything I say when I’m under the influence. The morning after when me and R was just lying in bed hungover out of out minds he had to enlighten me on some of the “epic” quotes I had delivered during the evening (most of them were about sex, my pussy or dicks. Basically just the same things I talk about when sober as well, but for some reason I felt ashamed because I had talked about it with dudes I had never in my life met before.). I need to come up with something that prevents me from talking about those kind of things when I’m drunk. I’ll work something out, like an reward system or whatever, that should do it.
Also, I am aware of that a few weeks ago I said that I was going to be completely sober from then on. Yeah, that didn’t really happen. I just love being drunk way too much right now, which in a way is kind of sad I guess. But at the same time I don’t care, because I have such a good fucking time while doing it.
One thing that is good about being this stressed is that I have no apetite whatsoever. I can be super hungry, but as soon as I see food or take a bite out of something I immediately lose interest in it and feel full. Awesome diet is awesome. Constipation is my new best friend! Coffee, water and chocolate is what I need to function right now, and words cannot describe how stressed out I am over my 20 page essay due in two weeks. At the same time as I feel obliged to study more than ever (with a burning drive to get an A on my assignments) I just feel like life is passing me by without anything exciting happening. Its like I waste my days sitting at home in my pj’s, trying to write good papers, when I should be out having the time of my life. When I take a look at myself in the mirror I kind of want to cry, I look like a coked up former-it girl gone reality tv star on her mugshot after a week-long drug fest. I don’t want to look like that. I’m never going to get laid if I look like that.
I don’t know, I think repeating “YOLO” has gotten to my head, but there are so many things I want to do right now. So many shenanigans, so little time. And such bad cash flow.
So I failed quite miserably with finding that goddamn Lazer Tag venue the others had been running around in last night. Story time: I missed the street on which it was located and thought “hey I can just walk back towards downtown because I’m pretty sure the place is this way”. It wasn’t. Instead I walked to the next subway station to see if the street I was looking for was along the way, but when I came to the subway station and could look at the map I saw that the street in question was next to the one I had been standing on in the first place before I decided to go for a tedious failure of a stroll. Fuck my life, right? BUT as soon as I came back to where I had started and finally found that godforsaken place 30 minutes after I was supposed to have been there, I walk straight into my friends in the door as they were heading out, so my timing couldn’t actually have been any better. Yay me.
We then proceeded to go eat pizza to celebrate the b-day boy Sebastian. I’m always amazed over how much fun I have when I’m with those guys, but it makes me wonder over the saying that laughter prolongs one’s life. Having chest pains from laughing too hard really cant be good for you. Oh well, yolo.
High School. Don’t let my serious face wrinkle fool you, I never accomplished shit in Biology class.
Current lifestyle: waking up at 7am, spending the whole day studying, roaming around the mall gossiping and eating yogurth ice cream, listening to One Direction and reading for a while before going to bed at 11pm.
Yeah, Willy, a middle schooler called and wanted her life back.
Ok so I have the last wild weekend in a long time behind me. Wild as in drenched in delicious alcohol and tacky decisions. I got my tits licked and apparently made out with a finnish dude. I don’t remember much, but what I do know is that tequila is one hell of a beverage. Now I’m going to stay sober for as long as possible (hopefully until June 2013), wish me luck and keep your fingers crossed that my liver doesnt collapse due to severe booze withdrawal.
For the last three weeks I have been setting my alarm on my phone when I’m going to bed after staying up wayyy too late, and you know when the alarm says that it is “so and so many hours and minutes until it will go off”? Yeah, for some reason it has been 4 hours and x minutes EVERY goddamn time lately. What the fuck am I doing? I’m one of those people who need loads of sleep to function properly. In high school I could easily go to school after only sleeping for say 2 or 3 hours. Those days of glory are long gone though. Even if I sleep for +10 hours now I can barely move without a cold shower and a bigass cup of coffee.
So why am I doing this to myself? This self-inflicted torture of staying up past my bedtime on school nights and not thinking of the consequences (being more dead than alive in the morning and looking more worn out than the vag of sluttiest chick in a sorority house), and being reminded of how shitty I am at decision making every morning while I run to the train station for another miserable lecture at the university.
One thing you can do when studying gets too overwhelming is to explore the features your webcam has to offer. I just want to finish this assignment already so I can go downtown to see some sweet bands, but I don’t seem to get anywhere. It really sucks to have the attention span of a 5 year old trippin balls on a massive sugar rush. I actually can’t recall a single time that has ever been to my advantage.
Wow I’m such a loser, I just saw the video to “National Anthem”. Yes I am serious. I actually haven’t seen a single video to any Lana del Rey song though, so I’ll have some form of excuse for this embarassing confession. I’m in love. I mean, I loved the song before I saw the video, but fuuuuuuck, this is so good. An even more embarrassing thing to say is that I for real got shivers while she read that “I loved him” speech. Either I’m a huge pussy or it’s actually really beautiful. I have a hard time deciding on that for now though, I think I need to consult a few others before I can make a good judgement on it.
Do you ever feel like you have so much potential in you, yet its almost as if you fail on purpose?
Its like in theory I have everything I need to succeed, but I lack motivation so fucking bad. I’m so sick of feeling like this, the only thing I really want to do is lie in my bed and sleep. Maybe watch re-runs of “Real Housewives of [insert neighborhood here]” too.
I think I need to delete my Instagram account, seeing everyone being overly ambitious with their baking… I dont know, all the stupid people do to post on instagram, makes me feel like such a fuck-up. Do people seriously eat that fancy food all the time? I’m going to start pictures of my butthole every time I take a shit (sorry for crushing your illusion about girls, Morgan, but we do in fact poop from time to time), put on a nice filter and get a shitton (pun intended) of likes.
I don’t blame Instagram on how I’m feeling though, that would just be dumb. I don’t know if I can blame anything or anyone either, I think it’s my own fault. I’m in desperate need of finding something I can be passionate about. I think that would be the key to my problems. At least I hope so.
I am so tired from studying, it feels like my retinas are bleeding. Eye period. I have a seminar early tomorrow morning, and after that I should spend some time in the library stalking hot guys I mean studying for my upcoming exam. After that I’ll hopefully get shitfaced and forget everything I have been reading about these past few days. Kidding. I’m a responsible adult, responsible adults don’t do that. Kidding, since when am I responsible?
Last night I saw Fu Manchu live. The girl: guy ratio in the crowd was crazy, I’d say 85% guys and 15% girls… not that I was complaining or anything. A sausage fest is always appreciated. Not kidding. The concert was so so good, eventhough they didn’t play “Snakebellies”. I am too tired to write a blog post right now, why the fuck am I still up? Today have sucked major ballsack, it’s like everything I have done I somehow have managed to fuck up. Missed the bus to school, missed every goodamn subway, couldn’t choose the teacher I wanted online because the site was malfunctioning due to too much activity, can’t find my headphones, was too tired to read all the pages for tomorrow’s seminar… so many #firstworldproblems in one day. Now I’m gonna cry/fap myself to sleep.
Ok so I stumbled across this website a few hours ago, and I just can’t help to feel amazed over how people actually can be employed to write such utter crap that is relationship and love advice. Seriously, do every person on planet Earth a favour and kill yourselves.
The advice given to women on how to catch a man by following different easy steps made me want to gag and laugh out loud at the same time as I got a little afraid. Is this really how some women and girls think that you will find your future boyfriend/husband/fuckbuddy? By taking on the role as a shy, cute little innocent girl and tone down your own personality so you’re more or less a harmless fucking God knows what. Seriously, I’m so frustrated right now I can’t even come up with a good simile.
My friend L was told a while ago that he would get laid so fast if he only would stop talking. Apparently his friend had the idea that L would have no problems at all with sticking his peen into the holes of the opposite sex if he just didn’t talk so much. What you need to know about L is that he is hilarious and intelligent, always have a good one-liner stored for the right occasion and isn’t afraid to speak his opinion (I personally would compare him with Jon Stewart) on anything from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles to anal sex. Hmm maybe the step between TMNT and buttsecks isn’t too long, but… whatever, you get my point.
But yeah, girls (apparentley) don’t like that. We discussed whether it would be worth changing our personalities for the sake of getting sum, but I think we both agreed that it wouldn’t be worth it. Unless someone suddenly finds both me and L wonderful/amazing/god like the way we are, I guess we are destined to live forever alone, wishing we weren’t as weird as people keep telling us we are.
Everything is finally back to normal! No more fever, no more mucus running uncontrollably out of my body openings, no more sleeping for 17 hours a day. Lifeisgood.jpg
This week has been kind of different though. Three evenings in a row I have been spending my time in the beds of my main bitches, watching movies and discussing guys, love, sex and life in general. I don’t feel used to all this…. girlieness that I have been the subject to these past few days, its like I can’t really handle all of the FEELINGS I have been talking about. I feel weird. I need evenings with talking about dicks, boobs and poo to make up for all of this. And beer. Oh my God I miss beer. Any volunteers?
Ok I’m getting tired of this shit. In 7 days I have been outside my house only 1 time, but I think I’m finally starting to get rid of the cold that has been harassing my ass since last week. I really wish I had something more interesting to write about, but unfortunately life has been at a standstill for the Wilmeister. Hopefully I’ll be able to be up to no-good this weekend though, these upcoming shenanigans are too epic to turn down, being sick or not.
On an unrelated note I cant stop listening to the Sunny Day Real Estate album “The Rising Tide”. Good shit.
I haven’t been outside my house since Wednesday. Its starting to show on my behaviour that I haven’t been in any real contact with anyone else but my family for four days now. I’ll try to not act like a savage tomorrow when I finally will be able to leave this prison of cleanex boxes and fart jokes. And oh my God I could kill for a beer or five right now, all thats been on my mind this weekend has been Irish coffee and beer (fuck you, Lucas, for bringing it up in all of our conversations).
Ahh the classic friendzone dilemma: are we just really good friends or are you actually into me?
You know that saying, “just because a lot of people believe in something doesn’t mean its the truth”? I hate it. I hear the same thing about me from so many, different people, independent of each other, and I want it to be true so bad. However, the reasonable Willy in me (Hah! What a joke) keep reminding the dumb bitch Willy in me that what people say about me isn’t neccessarily true. I hate the fact that there is no absolute truth. I hate debates and discussions just because of this, and I freak out everytime someone asks me for my opinion on bigger issues. Political matters for example. I’m so aware of where both sides are coming from (unless they are straight out retarded. Like… Pro-life. Or Xenophobic. Or pro-life.) that its impossible for me to take a clear stand. There are too many reasons for peoples actions and the context is too complex, I don’t feel intelligent or informed enough to be in the position to pass judgement. Blah.
This wasn’t what I had intended to write, what the fuck? I was going to write about me, and people’s opinions about me. Now that just feels stupid, there are more important things in the world than what people think of some slut like myself. Bam, lesson of the day right there.
The cutest thing I’ve seen all day.
The hours of sleep I’ve gotten these past days would even make Sleeping Beauty envious (she would not, I repeat not, be envious of my “beauty” though. I took a look at myself in the mirror yesterday and almost started crying because of how awful I looked. Days like these I am so glad I don’t have a boyfriend I feel the need to be pretty infront of. I look like fucking Aileen Wuornos, and the fact that I haven’t dressed myself at all, with the exception of underwear, since Tuesday must be some form of record for me.), an average of 15 hours per day. Seems legit, no?
I hate cancelling plans. It feels like saying “fuck you, life, I’m busy being a pussy” when I turn down plans because I’m sick. Hopefully my self medication and excessive sleeping will help me get well soon though, I can’t stand lying here doing absolutely nothing. Last night I watched “John Tucker Must Die”. For the 383730912 time. With my mother. Srsly.
On my way to school on monday I sat opposite a man and a woman on the subway. They were both coughing and wiping their noses, and at first I thought they actually were a couple. They weren’t though, I just hit the jackpot on the wheel of fortune and sat next to these infected strangers during rush hour. They were coughing like there was no tomorrow, and I was more and more grossed out by their ways. If its one thing I cant’t stand its people coughing on the subway. I panic. I have a shitty immune system, so I always get sick from strangers with no manners who just cough their disgusting germs right in my face.
The woman was reading a Metro newspaper, and suddenly the train arrives to her stop. What she does next is something that probably will haunt my retina for years to come (and my fear of touching used objects isn’t really cured after this incident either): she sneezes right down in the newspaper. One of those sneezes when you even can hear that a huge load of yellow, mean looking mucus just was catapulted out of the bitch’ nose/mouth. So yeah, right down in the paper. “Well”, I thought, “at least her slime didn’t land on me or anything”. But what she did next is seriously just repulsive: she stood up, put the newspaper on the seat next to her and got off the train.
How can anyone do that?!?! Poor fellow human being who later will pick up that paper in good faith for a quick read, completely oblivious to what this dumb whore a few minutes earlier had done.
If I ever see that woman again I swear to good I will follow her home and shit on her lawn. Or in her mailbox if she doesn’t have a lawn. Bitch had it coming.
Oh yeah by the way, these two losers probably are the reason why I myself now am sitting here with a soar throat and runny nose. Seriously, fuck people.
Our mini-interrail was hands down one of the best things I’ve done in my life so far. It was the most random, crazy and weird eleven days I’ve experienced, and when we came home to our dear old Stockholm again I just had a feeling of wanting more. I’m not done yet. Copenhagen, Berlin, Prague, Salzburg, Hallstatt and Munich. So much beer, so much corn and tuna, so many new acquaintances… As soon as I get my next and final paycheck from my summer job I’m booking my next adventure. I have a hunch that the summer of 2013 will be quite amazing.
The photos in this photo bomb are just some of the pics I took with my digital camera. I am beyond stoked to see how all the pics we took with our disposable cameras turned out.
Today I had a boring day at work that never seemed to come to an end, and when I finally came home I realised the freezer for some reason hadn’t been closed properly when I left my house in the morning so all the frozen food in it had melt and there was water everywhere. Yeah, it was a pretty shitty Tuesday if I may say so.
On our way home from the club Knast last Friday me, Stefan, Stefan, Camilla and Rebecka walked past the fountain where I eat my lunch every day. Somebody had filled up the whole thing with soap, so the place was completely covered in foam. Before we walked home we had a foam war, resulting in funky smelling hair and shoes looking kind of gross.
I woke up in Sara’s bed next to her and her boyfriend. Sorry people, before you get your hopes up and some weird mental pictures in your head you wish to erase for eternity, nothing kinky went on. Friday was spent first at Stefan’s house drinking wine, eating pizza and watching Dogtooth (one of the most disturbing/strange/fucked up movies I’ve ever seen) and then movie night at Sara’s. After seeing “Rosemary’s Baby” I seriously never want to become pregnant.
When I woke up on Saturday it was too hot outside to move, so basically what we did all day and afternoon before I went home was to eat a fucking 5 star hotel breakfast in the sun on her patio.
Later that night I went into town to meet up Gaygay and Sally, and we had dinner at TGIF. Just when we got our food the ketchup bottle exploded all over Gaygays face and fingers, so it looked like a super shitty slasher movie all over our table. Or a really bad day of someone’s period.
After dinner we went over to Skorpan’s apartment where some other old classmates of ours already had started drinking. The evening was spent on his big balcony with a magnificent view all over Stockholm, and… I don’t know, sometimes I just need to pinch myself to realise that all of this is actually happening. I feel so fucking lucky for being surrounded by so many wonderful human beings, just thinking about it makes me want to bawl my eyes out. I’m scared that one day I will wake up and find out that all of this has just been one amazing dream, and I need to get out of bed to face the shitty reality that actually is life.
Best and most random week in a long time.
Retro with ms Douchebag, free food with Hannah and Mountain Man, soccer oh so much soccer, Skinnarviksberget, Sommar!, beer, beer, beer, Nicki Minaj, Rålambshovsparken, birthday dinner in Sollentuna, Debaser Slussen, Canada Day, train tickets, Långholmen.
From today I’ll be sober until next summer though. It will be difficult (since a majority of all my friends are bigtime alcoholics), but I am convinced I can do it. I met two friends I had not seen in such a long time last night on the subway home, and they told me they had actually talked about suggesting me to their boss, so who knows, maybe I’ll have a new job by the end of the summer. Planning a big trip overseas just became so much easier, fuckyeah.jpg.
Pictures taken by Robin.
I didn’t take any pictures during Midsummer’s eve, I was too busy have a blast. Malin took some though, so I’ll post some as soon as she gets her thumb out of her ass and uploads them. I can hands down say that it was one of the best (if not actually the best) midsummer celebrations I have attended and hosted ever. The weather was great, people were stoked, the food was good and the amount of alcohol was plenty. The day started early when Sara came with the bus and we went to dance around the maypole, and after that all the other guests started to show up. Kubb was played, Stefan and Malin swam and sat in our sauna while the rest of us sat outside on the porch drinking, listening to music and just having a good time. I didn’t go to bed until 4am, and when I woke up the next day I was tired as fuck, but at the same time filled with this serene feeling of happiness. My friends are better than yours.
Yesterday I realised something. First of all time, really do fly when you’re having fun, and during these past two years I must have had one heck of a time since this thought or idea hadn’t even crossed my mind up until last night. I have been having major problems with falling asleep for quite some time now. Staying asleep isn’t a problem at all, actually I can easily sleep for 12 hours straight without any problems at all. It’s just falling asleep that has been impossible. I have been having this issue for a long time now, but it was first yesterday that I realised that it all begun with me breaking up with my ex. Or rather, thats when my sleeping problem got worse.
He always used to talk me to sleep. I made him talk about soccer (his favorite thing in the world), so for about 6 months I knew everything about the Premier League (and more specifically his favorite team, Arsenal). He talked and talked until he made sure I had fallen asleep, and first then he hung up the phone. How fucking adorable isn’t that?
This made me so used to having someone to talk to and have next to me, and when we broke up I couldn’t stand being alone at night. I was awake until dawn, and hugged my pillow pretending it was a person while I kept telling myself that I’ll soon be over it. That soon I would be able to fall asleep in no time, I just had to get used to not being talked to sleep every night. Easy.
Fast forward to today, more than 2 years later. I find myself completely unable to fall asleep unless I am so tired I’m on the verge of crying (and even then its difficult). I am so sick of this bullshit. I wrote something about this a while ago, somewhat related, but I was convinced I would get over it. I feel like the most pathetic human being out there for missing having someone next to me so much, and I have no idea what to do about it. Medication isn’t really an option, I don’t want to take any drugs to “cure” this, sleeping medication just sounds so extreme to me, like something famous people just take to kill themselves.
I need to do something about this. Pronto. Ahora. Nu. Now. Obtaining a boyfriend for the selfish reason of wanting to sleep isn’t an option, since I’m apparentely destined to be foreveralone.jpg.
Woke up this morning and found this image on my phone, the only picture that was taken last night apparentely.
Yesterday started off with hanging out with Stefan, watching scary movies, Game of Thrones and playing with his dog. Then we took the train downtown and I went to see Moving Mountains. Incredibly stoked, and it was so much fun to introduce them to a few of my closest friends. After the show I didn’t really know what to do, and while all the others went home I went home to Luca’s house, where he was hosting a birthday party. This is the second time in a week where I go to a party where I only know two people, but I had so much fun. I absolutely love meeting and hanging out with new people, even if its only for a night (wow, that sounded way sluttier than I had intended), and last night was definitely one of the better bar nights I’ve had in a while.
I tried to remember what I have been doing for the last couple of days, but since my memory is the equivalent of the one of a goldfish with AIDS I am struggling.
And I’m trying to plan a midsummer’s party at our country house. And I was just informed I got an A on my last exam. And I start working on Monday morning. Nobody reading this blog probably cares about this, I just feel I need to quickly type down what I have been up to during these past few days, otherwise my AIDS brain will forget all about it forever, and I will end up saying “I never do anything fun anymore”.
I was super bored earlier tonight, so I installed “the Sims 2” on my computer. I haven’t played that game in ages, so I thought “what the heck, I can might as well spend a couple of hours doing that again”, seeing that I fucking loved that game when I was younger.
After 2 hours I had already failed miserably, and couldn’t be assed keep playing. My girl Sim turned out to be a major slut, and all she wanted to do to feel good was befriend new people and make out with as many fellow Simmers as possible. The dude ended up just working, always being tired and hungry.
For some reason it all just made me really depressed. I guess it reminded me of my own life too much. Sims was funnier when you were younger and your life didn’t consist of those actual things (wanting to get laid – being tired from work). Now it just gets depressing when you’re trying to take care of some pixles in a computer while your life in real life is about the exact same things. Fuck everything.